The journey

When I consider my own stupidity, I stand agape.
But I don't understand anything, so how can I explain?
Where should I go to accept my fate, try to explain, try to reform?
Why are you waiting?

At a point in my life when I felt about as stupid as I do now, I had a subscription to Atlantic magazine, and I remember when the puzzler first appeared. I found some solace in working that puzzle; I think I completed it. The one clue I remember was "make nothing, Father, with(may have been "of"; not sure)this thingumbob". The answer was "doodad"-->make=do+0(nothing)+dad(father). That doesn't appear very clear, but I recall the clue, and I'm pretty sure the word "Father" was capitalized.
Although I'd read some Poe, I didn't know "thingumbob" was a reference to a work(?) of his. I discovered that work(?) only recently.

So, what happens now, what do I need to do, who do I need to see?

It's been at least 48 hours since my last drink, and no withdrawal symptoms.

Blood pressure 157/109? That can't be right. I digress.

I should attend a meeting about gas leasing tomorrow evening, and shall, if I am able. I doubt that I'll be able to focus and retain much, but I'll try, and then try to get the information to those who need it.

"Wishing is a hell" is an anagram of English & Swahili. Only today did I realize that "wishlist" is close to an anagram of something else. Had I known, I probably would have avoided all connection with the word. That reminds me of church last Sunday, when the words "false imposition" were read and I thought "That's not right!"
So I looked it up; and, sure enough, it should have been "bald imposition", and, sure enough, the other reader is very nearly bald. But the word switch was not calculated, I don't believe; it was subconscious, perhaps, or "agape" in action...or maybe that's just my futile, foolish attempt to impart meaning to a little incident of life. Paragraph! Please?

I've never sought fortune, and, unbelievable as it may sound, never sought fame; certainly never sought infamy, or maybe I did and just didn't know it.

I'm not crying, as some might think. My eyes are a little moist, perhaps, but I don't believe it's for myself, and I don't know who or what it IS for. I'm trying to turn something around. Don't know what.